Of Buzzwords and Buzzards

Straight talk trumps pretention every timeBuzzward

So this week, and because we all need a dose of good humor now and again, we decided to switch it up and address (in a humorous way) the buzzword code-words in business these days that we published a couple of years ago. Seems that in business, times may change but buzzwords go on forever. People seemed to enjoy it when we published it last – so what the heck, here’s a little humor for you to welcome you to Spring!

I suspect we all know how to use these buzzies – but think about it, they’re often used to avoid having to use straight talk which doesn’t really do anybody any good does it? Frankly, we’re big fans of straight talk. Maybe you’ll feel the same way after reading our definitions?

Happy buzzing……..

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Buzzword(s) And the code/straight talk definition…….
1 Alignment When are you planning to adopt my point of view?
2 As you are aware I’m patronizing you by insinuating that you don’t know what I’m talking about by reminding you what I’m talking about.
3 At the end of the day….. I go to sleep.
4 Best practices Can we plagiarize other businesses proven processes before we painfully screw up ours?
5 Break through the clutter Cut through the BS and get to the point?
6 Bring to the table What have you got?
7 Buzzword Duh…
8 Clear goal Our objective, how come you can’t see it?
9 Circle the wagons The buzzards are close, can we pull it out before they get here?
10 Deep dive Passive/aggressive suggestion directed to others to let them know they didn’t do enough research.
11 Diversity Let’s get lots of opinions; provided they all look like mine.
12 Do you have capacity? Face it – everyone knows you’re not doing anything – so you’d better willingly take the project I’m about to hand you.
13 Drinking from the fire hose Will we ever get to a point where we’re organized – not wet?
14 Empowerment We want them to think that they have control over their destiny – but they really don’t.
15 Exit strategy Figuring out which comes first, death from exhaustion or the retirement home.
16 Face time If I can see your face, I can tell if you’re lying to me.
17 Game

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changer

 It’s about time we

came up with one.
18 Generation X Young, fresh faces with ideas different (and often brighter) than yours.
19 Generation Y See 18.
20 Globalization We’re going to try to sell our stuff to the world, but “export” doesn’t sound sexy enough.
21 Go back to square 1 Let’s start over – what we’ve got so far could be produced by Kindergartners.
22 Grow – as in “grow the business”. I know it takes more than throwing a little water on it, but I’m hopeful the water will do it instead of years of crushingly hard work.
23 High level I think you’re smart enough to track with me, but I’m not positive…..
24 I’m going to have to noodle over this idea If you’re my fearless leader, and all you have up there are noodles – I’m concerned beyond belief.
25 Impact – instead of effect as a noun Results – for heavens’ sakes – results.
26 Let’s hold a calibration meeting Let’s meet so I can make sure you’re all still thinking what I’m thinking.
27 Let’s marinate on this one Frankly, my brain doesn’t belong in marinade, does yours?
28 Leverage – used as verb to mean magnify, multiply, augment, or increase Use people, opportunities, customers and vendors to unethically satisfy your business goals.
29 Low hanging fruit Looking good without working hard.
30 Mission critical Yes, sometimes things are looking so bad it looks pretty critical – but are we really at war?
31 My bad If I say “My bad” cutely enough, maybe you’ll forgive the fact that I unashamedly didn’t do what you asked.
32 On a go forward basis From this point forward, we’re not going to screw up as we have historically, ok?
33 On the runway Not going anywhere.
34 Outside the box How about we exercise our ingenuity muscles? Because what you’ve given me so far ain’t doing it.
35 Paradigm Paraguay?
36 Paradigm shift You’re going to Paraguay?
37 Peel back the onion When you dig in, start peeling off the layers, and every single one makes you cry.
38 Proactive Let’s fix it BEFORE it bites us in the butt.
39 Pushing the envelope Pushy beyond belief.
40 Run it up the flagpole So people can shoot at it.
41 Scripted Not talented enough to hold an authentic conversation.
42 Sea change (transformation) Something new – hold the Tsunami.
43 Spin-up Let’s get this “off the runway” See “on the runway” above.
44 Streamline Is there a cheaper way to do this?
45 Sweet spot Where do you do your best business? Not how often do you raid the office candy dish.
46 Synergy How can I use what you do, how you do it, and your connections to help get ME more business?
47 Take if offline Could you shut up in front of all these people?
48 Tension in the System Somewhere, someone isn’t doing their job – we think it’s you.
49 Wellness Wellness could reduce my health benefits costs – so let’s do it, whatever it is….
50 Win-win See 46. Synergy